White Trash Monday

Today was a weird day.  We did a field trip to the pumpkin patch.  After a sleepless night and a tiring morning picking pumpkins and swatting gnats (gotta love living below  - or is it above - the gnat line?  whatever it is...they are pesky and persistent and as annoying as bamboo shoots under your fingernails), this Mama was toast.

So after "quiet time" (aka mommy-needs-a-short-nap-time) I made a sweet latte and sat on the porch while the kids played in the backyard and pondered what to fix for dinner.

Daddy was working late and wouldn't be home so it was the perfect night for something kid friendly.  In other words, something gross and borderline offensive.

I came up with the perfect recipe.  My kids love corn dogs.  Which I refuse to buy in the store and only let them have when we occasionally fast-food-it.  But I had some hot dog weiners (gross).  Nitrate-free mind you,  making them only mildly gross.  And some cornbread fixins, giving this recipe the June Cleaver stamp of approval.

Corn Dog Casserole, y'all

2 cups cornmeal

2 cups flour

1 tbsp sugar

1 tbsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

2 eggs

1 1/4 cup milk

1 tbsp oil

1 cup grated cheddar cheese

4 hot dog wieners (can't even type this without laughing)

Preheat oven to 425.  Mix dry ingredients together.  In separate bowl, beat milk, eggs, and oil and add to dry ingredients, stirring until well mixed.  Stir in cheese.  Put hot dog wieners in baking dish, pour cornbread mix over wieners and bake for about 20 minutes or until it looks done!

This is what the finished product looks like:



As is our usual custom, I texted Kim with a picture of this lovely creation after talking to her earlier when she told me it made her want to gag  just thinking about it....but when I told her how the kids sounded like Cookie Monster devouring it, she changed her tune.

Somewhat.

She told me I needed to serve it with a salad made from iceberg lettuce with small pieces of chopped up tomato and mayo for dressing, red jello for dee-sert and red kool-aid stirred with my bare hand in a large mason jar.

Little does she know that exact dinner menu will be waiting for her next Monday night when she arrives at the cabin.

Remind Me Again....(quick)....

Kim and I text each other frequently during the day....in fact, it's a good thing I followed her advice and got the texting plan of a fifteen-year-old girl because my phone sounds like a symphony many afternoons during what all Moms know as the "witching hour".

For homeschool Moms though, sometimes we have witching days...sometimes on end.  Like when the only real break we get from our children is when we lock ourselves in the bathroom and pretend to have a bad case of dysentery.    It's days like that when, as soon as I run in the bathroom, shut the door and turn on the faucet to drown out the whining and fighting, I text Kim with "Quick....remind me again WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY WE DECIDED TO HOMESCHOOL?????"

Sometimes she gives me a good reason.  Sometimes she tells me to pack them a lunch and a notebook and meet the first cheesewagon that rounds the corner.

And then sometimes I come out to find this.



And I quickly text her back....

Nevermind.

Say It Ain't So

If someone tells you that they saw my sweet family at the local Mexican restaurant last weekend don't believe them.  It probably wasn't us.

Especially if they tell you our darling three-year-old got a chip stuck in his throat and screamed bloody murder for ten solid minutes while everyone in the restaurant stopped talking to stare at us trying to figure out whether he (a) had been attacked by a swarm of killer bees, (b) was suddenly possessed by demons or (c) was choking (he was screaming....duh)....

Then if they tell you that he stuck his own finger down his throat and made himself throw up all over himself, the booth, the family order of cheese dip and my new dress before we were smart enough to run to the bathroom, tell 'em they must be telling a story....

That kind of thing would never happen to us.

Never.

How To Travel (Alone) With Kids

Don't!

Unless you have to.

Like only if you are being chased by knife wielding members of  the Taliban and your only means of escape is to load up your three (under the age of 6) children and set off on a 7+ hour road trip with them across three states.

Alone.

Trust me.

But if you choose to ignore my sage advice, and are determined, here are a few tips.  From one who has done it and lives to tell of it.

~Have a co-pilot

Mine was a wooden spoon (fork actually that I've never seen much use for in the kitchen but found great use on small bottoms when needed) with a smiley face on one side and a most unhappy face on the other.  Mr. Spoon sat shotgun with me from Georgia to Alabama and on several occasions turned his unhappy face towards my brood in the back who had to quickly make Mr. Spoon happy unless they wanted to visit with him.  Up close and personal.   If you know what I mean.

It works, y'all.  It works.

~Give everyone a cup of water, a pillow and a small snack

And announce that you will be unable to meet any further needs until you stop.  You cannot change out movies.   Pick up dropped toys.  Search for lost pacis (don't judge me).  Or refill drinks and snacks.  So don't ask.

Unless you want to talk to the spoon.

~Be Prepared

I have a market basket that I pack with all the essentials and tote it back and forth from house to van on a daily basis.  For road trips it's stocked with pull-ups, wipes, band-aids, a wet wash cloth, baking soda (a wet wash cloth + baking soda will take puke smell  out of anything....trust me), extra zip-loc bags (to separate anything into three's that needs to separated, i.e. ONE cookie/chicken nugget/piece of gum...also known as forced sharing), a couple of plastic grocery bags,  a bottle of water and, of course.... Mr. Spoon.

~The Radio Will Play Louder than Screaming, Whining and Crying

No explanation needed.

A personal caveat:  I left with the kids on our road trip on a morning that dear husband was already out of town on business.  That means I alone (in addition to normal duty!) packed everyone, loaded the van (including the psycho dog), tidied house, dropped said psycho dog off at kennel and traveled with the kids all day from Georgia, to Florida, to Alabama.  In Alabama 9 days later, repeated the process (sans psycho dog) to travel 5 hours to Florida to meet dear husband halfway in Florida for a beach vacation.

Upon returning home to Georgia, dear husband informed me that he stripped the sheets from our bed before he left and I'd find them in the dryer.  After a long day of traveling, and eagerly anticipating sleeping in my own bed for the first time in two weeks, I was somewhat dismayed to discover not clean, fresh sheets in dryer, but rather smelly, mildewed and damp sheets that didn't manage to dry on their own over the FIVE days they sat there!

What the....

So I walked up to dear, sweet husband who clearly meant well and sweetly said, "You know, dear, sheets dry much better when you TURN THE THING ON!!!!"

To which he responded that he meant to.  He really did.

And I do believe he did.  And we actually laughed about it.

But the best part of this story is when he said (with a smile on his face), "Well....you just don't understand.  It's hard to get ready to go on vacation when you're all alone. I didn't have anyone here reminding what all had to be done before I left!!!"

Blank stare.  Crickets.

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Bless his heart, y'all.  He was all alone.

I can't imagine.

Scavenger Hunt!

A friend here who was a first grade teacher (and who is much more creative than I!) put together a scavenger hunt for our kids at the state park.  For this I was grateful as I am running out of steam ideas as we approach the unofficial end to our unofficial trial period of homeschool kindergarten and playschool.

First of all....it's really beautiful there.



We met at the side of the lake and gathered the troops to give them instructions.  The ages of the kids ranged from about 20 months to 6 1/2.  There were 3 three-year-olds and one four-year-old so for them, this exercise was perfect.    For the almost seven-year-old, it was not as challenging.  Until we put him in charge.  Something that seven-year-olds like to be.  Or at least think they are.  Anyway....

They were given sheets with pictures of different colors, and they were to find items that matched the colors.  Lucky for my three, they had an experienced guide who could clarify any confusion they might have had.



It was fairly easy to find items that were brown, orange, and green....but they had to look long and hard to find purple.

Success!



Next it was time to look for animals.  Stuart spotted some ducks and was in his element.  This, of course, was most unfortunate for the ducks.



Obviously they didn't hear what happened to the butterfly at the hands of the Stuart.  If they knew, they would have never been this close.

Not only were there ducks....but there were donkeys.



Roosters.



And one big, ugly, smelly, dirty pig.  Boar.  Whatever.   Bless his heart.



Group shot.  Minus Stu who was probably off trying to stick his finger up the donkey's nose.  Honestly, it would have been easier to position the ducks, donkey, rooster and boar on that tiny bench than to gather these young'uns for a group picture.

See that look on Catherine's face?

That's exactly how I looked when this photo session was over.