The Jay Bird

Catherine has a new gig. She takes off all of her clothes, including her diaper, and suddenly appears in front of you. It takes you by surprise, especially the first time it happens. For me it was the other night while Andy and I were trying to fix dinner.

You know I've shared that generally speaking the time preceding, during, and following dinner is absolute and total chaos. Mainly because Stuart is screaming bloody murder. He usually starts out in the miracle swing which, by the way, is no longer a miracle. By the time we're ready to eat I move him to the farthest point in the house and close all doors between us and him to muffle the sound. I still need a Mylanta cocktail to combat the indigestion it causes.

So during such a time as this the other night, Andy and I were putting dinner together and he had just started telling me something that happened at work that day (which I always find extraordinarily interesting because it usually doesn't involve tales of curdled milk spit up or explosive poopy diapers which is all I have to share at the end of my day). About 3 seconds into his story I turned around to find Catherine, naked as a jay bird, standing in the middle of the kitchen. I interrupted Andy saying "um, Houston, we have a problem." And pointed out the nudist among us.

William announced, as if we needed an alert, that "Cafrin's naked." I started out after her telling her we needed to get our clothes back on, at which point she turned not into Sybil, but rather Linda Blair circa 1973 (The Exorcist). I tackled her in the middle of her room and practically sat on her to get a diaper and some clothes back on her, as I tried to keep her head from spinning 360 degrees. After about 15 minutes of our wrestling match, I returned to the kitchen where I brushed myself off and returned to my spot, picked up my bell pepper to resume chopping and calmly said to Andy, "...you were saying?"

This was not an isolated incident as this scene has repeated itself several times since then. We had to have babysitters for the kids the past two nights, and I put Jay Bird to bed at 6:00 because I don't want our house to be known as the nudist colony.

"Nobody sleeps naked in this house!"
-Nathan Arizona