So I have a sweet girl who cleans my disaster of a house every other week. We can do a lot of damage in the 13 days she isn't here.
A day or so before she comes I usually break out in a cold sweat. Because my house is a wreck. A dirty, stinkin' wreck. Like pigs have been camping out. It's just embarrassing. So I start getting ready for her at least 24 hours prior to her arrival.
I start cleaning.
Seriously! I start cleaning my house. Because I don't want her to see how we really live. Like pigs.
Not only do I start cleaning to get ready for her to get here and start cleaning, but I usually meet her at the door apologizing because our house is such a wreck.
But she can't understand me because she doesn't speak English. So I say it slowwwwwly....and LOUDLY....as if she is deaf.
"I AM SOOOOOO SORRY.....THE... PLACE.... IS.... EL.... WRECKO!"
To which she sweetly laughs and goes about her business of trying to put us back together again for another two weeks.
What I really need is a Hazel. Or an Alice. To follow us around with a vacuum cleaner and a toxic waste disposal container and keep us straight. And grocery shop. And cook. And run errands and keep us stocked up on toilet paper and toothpaste. And help discipline the children. And do flashcards and math drills. And feed the dog. Oh the poor dog. Don't even get me started....
Forget the housekeeper.
What I really need is a wife.