am typing with one hand and using little punctuation as am holding one of my 3 - yes 3 - sick babies. starting to school last month brought us great joy. and new friends. and lots of germs that made everyone sick. some of us twice. like stuart who had a cold...that went into ear infection...and is now a cold again.
and then there's catherine. our child with one good lung and one portion of a very bad lung. she spent all day yesterday at the dr's office, as she ran a very high fever, having x rays and blood drawn only to find out she does not have a lung infection. which is good news. but bad news is they can't explain the rather large dense mass in her right lung (the bad one) so next we get the fun and familiar experience of yet another ct scan. for those not familiar with her condition - she has a ccam (too long to spell out with one hand). she had surgery at 5 months where they removed the upper and middle lobes of her right lung. the left the lower lobe that still had this condition, which now makes her more susceptible to infection. and will likely have to go through another surgery at some point to remove what's left.
i have always said that i was grateful to have been given this condition to deal with rather than something that couldn't be fixed. and i've always felt God has used this to teach us patience, dependence on Him and to grow our faith. but i still haven't learned how to stop my heart from hurting when i can't help my baby who is hurting. but that's nothing any other mother doesn't experience on a daily basis. whether having to hold her while a giant needle is draining blood from her arm or hold her because someone was mean to her. i may be worried about a broken lung today but tomorrow may be a broken heart.
it's just part of the journey.
*many thanks to mimi, gigi and grandpa who helped hold, rock and comfort the past couple of days.