Monday, September 03, 2007

Reality Show

I've decided that I like theory better than reality. See, you can lie in bed at night, thinking of the day ahead, and in THEORY it's going to be a productive day that leaves you with a real sense of accomplishment. But in reality, at the end of the next day as you lie in bed you are going to feel like a long armed tree sloth that didn't serve much of any purpose except to maybe hold the branches on the tree. Such is my day, most every day, since I've been a stay at home Mom. I manage to hold all the branches up but seem to make no real contribution to the jungle.

For instance. I lie in bed and in my mind have my to do list for the next day. It looks something like this:
-Rise early and have quiet, personal time before kids wake up
-Enjoy first AND second cup of coffee. In peace.
-Read Bible and get prayed up to arm self with grace, mercy and patience (and extra patience for Catherine)
-Apply facial mask, shower, wash and condition hair, loofah dead skin off, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize, apply makeup, dress and put on perfume
-Wake up beautiful children with a kiss and a song and the smell and sound of sizzling bacon
-Feed children hearty breakfast before "creative arts" session
-Dress cooperative children and lead them to table spread with arts and crafts supplies where they will make cute sock puppets and rehearse puppet show they will put on for after dinner entertainment
-Make out menu and grocery list for month
-Season pot roast and put in crock pot along with new potatoes and baby carrots for healthy dinner for family
-Launder clothes, stopping to add fabric softener mid-cycle so children and husband will smell Downy fresh
-Organize children's closets and pull out all out of season clothes to take to consignment shop to make extra money as contribution to family budget
-Dust wood blinds, baseboards and ceiling fans, gently removing family of dust bunnies before they request carrot cake for dessert
-Give dog a much needed bath, brush her teeth with tiny rubber brush that fits over finger, brush her hair, and clip her nails before leading her to nice clean bed and crate that has been cleaned out and disinfected
-Look over appointment book and call Dr's, Dentists, and Vet to schedule appointments for checkups, teeth cleanings and rabies shots, keeping straight who goes where and gets what
-Freshen up and put on lipstick to greet husband with a smile as lighting candles for lovely dinner family will appreciate, savor and compliment, saying "mmm, mmm" with each bite
-Enjoy puppet show

Here's my reality. As in, what I actually get done that day:

-Quick prayer: Dear God, HELP!
-Burn throat shooting coffee as if it was Tequila (uh, not that I know anything about that....just guessing)
-Change out empty roll of toilet paper before having to use any more pages from Martha Stewart Living
-Hit repeat on Wiggly Wiggly World for 97th time
-Greet dog catcher, once again, at door with dog who ran away because she hasn't been fed or watered in a month
-Smell laundry to determine level of salvageability from mildew after being left in washer for couple of days, and decide to try to dry anyway, tossing in half a box of dryer sheets to mask the smell
-Fix platter of dry toast for dinner
-Fall into bed, exhausted, and make to do list for tomorrow

And the thing is, I will not have STOPPED all day long! But what's funny is....if anyone ever calls my house at any time of the day, as the kids are screaming and fighting in the background, the baby is howling at the top of his lungs and the circus theme song is playing (ya-da-dadada-da-da-da-da-da), I will invariably pick up the phone, sweetly say "He-llooooo??" and when asked what I'm doing say "Nothing, nothing at all."


Well I'm off to accomplish at least one task on my list for today and put on deodorant. At least under one arm. Maybe I'll get to the other one tomorrow. Wish me luck.


Mary Anna said...

I love it. Thanks for the reality check!

Shannon said...

You totally crack me up Julie! I love reading your blogs!