The Official Mommy, Esquire's Christmas List

Because we feel we've been pretty darn good this year, we feel rather strongly that we should get some good stuff this year.  The Mommies, Esquire got together and talked about what we really want for Christmas and discovered that not everything can be easily gotten and stuck under the tree.  Nevertheless, here's our list we sent to the Big Guy in the Red Suit....



Kim's List~

1.  A nap.

Don't think I"m joking.  Don't think that I could just get a nap whenever I want.  I live in a house with three little boys and one really big boy.  They are loud and don't care if I get sleep.  Sleep is not important to them.  I think I'm the only one in my family (other than the 3 year old...and that is coming to an end, I fear) who requires more than 6 hours of sleep a night.  I ask for this for my birthday, Mother's Day, Easter, 4th of July....you name a holiday and I'm asking for a nap.  I don't mean a cat nap.  And I don't mean a nap after church because that usually entails my husband deciding to take a nap, too.  And that means that I have to share the bed with him...which I don't mind....but, a girl needs some recouperative sleep from time to time.  I mean the kind of nap where no one is at home.  I am free to lie down in my bed.  All. By. Myself.  And. Sleep.  Yes, that would be lovely.  ((sigh))

2.  A pair of "non-Mom" jeans.

I would love to find a pair of jeans that fit above the waist to hide muffin-top, but something that doesn't look like "Mom Jeans."  It is totally impossible to find.  Seriously.  After three c-sections, I would like to find jeans that don't ride down my butt....'cause Momma lost her backside years ago.  Lordy. Lordy. Lordy.  If anyone finds these "miracle jeans"...let me know.  'Cause I plan to buy a pair in every shade.

3.   A live in nanny/housekeeper.

Oh, heck. I need a wife.  Just make her ugly 'cause I've heard too many horror stories about the cute nanny who later takes over other "duties."  Ever saw that movie, "Hand that Rocks the Cradle?"  'Nuff said.

4.  Oil paintings of my children.

Sound really retro?  Well, that's me.  It's a dream of mine to have oils done of the boys.  I would love this.  Santa, do you hear me?  However, I think this would require my children to pose...sit still...etc.  Uh, maybe not?

5.   A cure for cancer.

Cancer is of the devil.  I hate cancer.  I think that it sucks.  It is number one on my list.  However, I know that it's not something that Santa can put under the tree.  It is a prayer of mine that God will see that the end to cancer is in sight.  It's a prayer I make daily along with praying that I will be disease and cancer free...and that God will heal a family member and make her cancer-free.  I hate it.  I really do.

Julie's list ~

1.  Home Alone 5

The Georgia sequel.  I would love to be left completely alone, in my own house, for more than an hour.  I would take a nap.  A long, leisurely bath.  I'd watch something other than Ben 10, football, Little Einsteins or Strawberry Shortcake.  For dinner I would make a thin crust spinach and feta pizza and have a glass of chardonnay.  I would curl up in front of the fire and read one of the 35 books that have been stacked at my bedside for a year.  I'd go to sleep at 9 and sleep until I wake up on my own.  Then I'd go for a run.  Or a bike ride.  Or a leisurely walk.   And then I'd be missing that part of my heart that aches when I'm away from them for more than 24 hours.  But I'd sure enjoy it up until that point!

2.  A Kitchen Aid Mixer

Ok so this is much more realistic than wish #1.  I love to bake, and cook, and I do it all from scratch.  And I'm still using the same little hand mixer we got as a wedding gift 14 years ago.  And one of the beaters falls off every time I'm in the middle of something, so I have to reach into the batter or dough and fish it out and try to reattach it.  Ick.  Santa, please.

3.  Scrapbook Elves

I wish some little elves would come along and organize all of my photos from the past seven years and put them in scrapbooks.  I have all the supplies.  And all the photos.  I just don't have the time.  No, I take it back.  I had the time to do my oldest child's scrapbook.  I started on the middle child's but I don't think I've even taken any pictures of the last child.   Maybe I'll just start now saving for his therapy.

4.  A Kindle.

I can't believe I actually want this.  I love, love, LOVE my books.  I love the feel of a book....the smell....I love flipping over a few pages because I'm so anxious to find out what happens.  When I was in law school, electronic research was just taking off but I rebelled as long as possible because I loved to sit in the law library with stacks of case books spread around me.  I really do hate technology sometimes.  I hate it....but I love it.  Because it does make life easier and more convenient.  And the thought that I could have all my beloved books on one little gadget that could stay tucked away in my purse and brought out at any time I find myself with a spare moment to myself (hahahaha....as if).....well, that's somewhat appealing to this busy Mama.

5.  A Personal Assistant

I think I want Kim's ugly wif'e's ugly sister.  Would that make us in-laws?

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Why I'm Crazy

Conversation with my five-year-old:

Me:  Time to take your nap.  You need to go potty first?

Her:  (in whiney voice)  What did you say?

Me:  Time to take your nap.  C'mon.

Her:  Nooooo.....before that.

Me:  Nothing.  I said c'mon...time for nap.

Her:  (now in whinier voice)  Yes.  You.  Did.  What did you saaaaaaay?

Me:  I didn't say anything except (1) time for nap and (2) asked you if you need to go potty.

Her:  (shrill whiney voice)  You said something!  (Doubling over).  I heard you!  What did you SAAAAAAAAAAY?

Me:  (louder)  Time.  For.  A.  Nap.  Go.  Potty.  Those are the only two things I said related to this nap.  I didn't say anything else.  That's it.  I didn't utter any other words that could be mistaken for anything else.  Nap.  And potty.  THAT'S IT.  Now go take your nap!

Her:  (voice now sounding like fingernails on a chalkboard)  But I heaaaaaaard you say something.  You said something else.  What was it?  (crying now)  Why won't you tellllllll me?

Me:  OH MY FREAKIN' HECK YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!

Just kidding....I didn't say that.

What I actually said was #*(!* $*()#@ @&*(#  !)(*#^@.

Just kidding.  Didn't curse either (at least not out loud).

Actually I stood there and just stared at this beautiful, precious angel who I would give my life for in a split second without thinking twice but wondered how something so precious can make me crazier than a hit dog?

Ya know?

Not a Creature Was Stirring....

not even a mouse.

Bahahaha.  Fat chance in this house!

There's always something stirring.  Especially at Christmastime.



So today was our annual invasion of Christmas mice.  This is so much fun!  A little creepy to have row after row of chocolate varmints with evil red eyes.  But it's a tradition around here.

If you want to make yer own rodents, here's how you do it.

Ingredients: (makes about 35 mice)

One bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips

Bag of Hershey kisses

Two jars of cherries with stems

Sliced almonds

Red food coloring gel

Fudge mint cookies

Instructions:

Melt chocolate chips in a glass bowl in microwave.  Add a splash of oil (I used canola) as you stir the melted chocolate.  This will make it smooth enough for dipping.  Peel your Hershey kisses and put them in a bowl.  Drain the cherries and put them in a bowl or colander.  Empty the almonds into a bowl.  Spread the cookies out on a wax paper lined cookie sheet.  Once you have your assembly line formed, you're ready.

Make sure the three-year-old is happily watching Dora's Christmas party.  Invite the seven-year-old and the five-year-old to help you until they start to get on your nerves or eat all the kisses, in which case send them off to clean up their rooms with the threat that Santa will leave them switches and coal if they don't.

Dip a cherry in the melted chocolate and place on the flat end of a kiss and place it on a cookie.   This is the mouse's body.  I had time to do all the mice before I started on the ears, but you want to get the ears done before the chocolate starts to set.

For the ears, use two sliced almonds.  I like to break them in two, otherwise the ears tend to look like bunny ears.  And that's the wrong holiday, folks.  We'll do those in the spring.  K?

Use the red gel to make the eyes and the nose.

Like so.



We also had some blue and yellow gel.  Catherine decided to give her mouse blue eyes and blonde hair.  She named her Elizabeth.



I wasn't emotionally involved enough to name the other 34 mice.  Besides, they won't be around after tomorrow when Stuart's three-year-old preschool class gets their little hands on them.

Because I am sooooooo not crafty and soooooo not Martha Stewart, but because you might be slightly impressed with the little mouse cuties, I thought I'd also share my holiday table creation I made with a few items from the dollar store and some twigs and berries.



Silver spray-painted walnuts in a bowl.  Some twigs from the yard spray-painted white and some little white paper ball ornaments from the dollar store in a couple of dollar vases filled with white (probably poisonous) berries from a tree in my front yard.

Good things y'all.  Good things.