Going Green....Literally

Originally I thought this post would be about my five favorite things like my sister girlfriend (a fellow Mommy, Esq.) did on her blog.  Then I thought about thanking the Academy (or in this case my cousin) for my recent award and then passing it all forward (which I will soon....).  

But instead I wanted to tell you about my new thing just in case you run into me and I look a pale shade of celery.  See, one of my truly favorite possessions is my Vita-mix.  We went to one of those home and garden shows about 7-8 years ago where they were doing demonstrations.  You know, where they show you how incredible it is that this fancy blender can pulverize a 2x4 in less than 10 seconds, just in case you're ever in the mood for a speedy wood shake.  But seriously, I stood there in amazement watching them make soups, juice raw foods, freeze ice cream, and (the thing that sold me) make peanut butter from....just peanuts.    It was SO cool.  And even though my first semester of law school plus books cost less than this thing, somehow I managed to convince Andy to let me buy it.

I promise it was one of the best things we ever bought.  And the Vita Mix people are NOT paying me to talk about this (although I wouldn't be insulted).

When our babies came along, I started making my own baby food.  Anything we ate, so did they.  I just pulverized it.  I mean....have you ever read the ingredients in a jar of babyfood?  Shouldn't bananas contain only ONE ingredient...say, BANANAS?  There certainly shouldn't be ingredients in a jar of bananas that I can't even pronounce.  So I just did it myself.  Because I thought I did it better than they did.  And my babies loved it.  

But lately I've been reading a LOT about these green smoothies.  You can get your entire serving of fruit and veggies in one drink.  And they have all these antioxidants to go to war against all the garbage we put in our bodies.  It's a good thing.  So the other morning I made up a batch and took it to Andy.  I wouldn't tell him what was in it until he drank it.  So he did.  And he said it wasn't bad.  And I smiled because he usually picks around the cucumbers in his salad but he drank one that morning!  And never knew it.  Until now.

But I'm a little concerned because he told me the story of someone he knew once who drank so many juiced oranges and carrots that they turned orange. 

Things that make you go hmmmmm.

I think a subtle shade of mint wouldn't be so bad....

Does this guilt make my butt look big?

When I left the law firm a few years ago, I did it mainly because I felt so guilty about all the time I spent at work compared to the minute amount of time I was spending with my...then... one child.  I wore that guilt suit around on a daily basis and it became nearly unbearable when I was in the middle of a trial...in the middle of the holidays....and I went a full week only seeing him from over the top of his crib in the middle of the night.  I knew I had to make a change ~ and I did, although I eased into staying at home slowly, still going into the office daily but only for a few hours.  

When Catherine came along, her health necessitated me being home full time.  And full time it was.  I found myself suddenly with a toddler and a newborn with a bad lung who couldn't be exposed to sickness.   Remember that movie about the bubble boy?  That was us.  The bubble family.  For the better part of a year we didn't go anywhere.  ANYwhere, people.   I was like Nell when I finally got out of the house...screaming in an indecipherable language and running around in circles flailing my arms.  At least I had on clothes.  Talk about going from one extreme to the other.

Then came Stu.  I was actually working on getting things in place to go back to work when I suddenly craved hot dogs and fell asleep at the wheel at 2pm one afternoon running to Target and realized that I was pregnant.  I didn't even need a pregnancy test to tell me that.   Shock and awe, that was.   So I made the decision to just stay at home a little longer because...I mean let's face it....would you have wanted me working for you?   What do you think were the chances I'd ever even make it out of the door in the morning?  And I didn't see my firm agreeing to me working between the hours of 1 and 1:45 in the afternoon.

So I wouldn't give anything for the years I had at home with my babies.  I joke and jest and probably embellish a lot on here in the name of creativity, but I truly loved being at home.  But the flip side of that was the fact that I felt...and here's that word again... guilty for not working and using my education and hard earned skills.   So when the opportunity came along a few months ago to return to work in a much more flexible and less stressful capacity, I jumped on it.   Because I was afraid to let that boat sail.  So I jumped back into the world of working mommyhood.  

Only now I find myself peering over at three sleeping babies instead of just one.  But only sometimes.  Thankfully.

I do have it good.  I know I do.  And trust me, I am more than thankful to even have a job in today's world.  I could quickly make you a list a mile long of all the pros of working.  But sometimes in that deep dark place inside I wonder if a mile long pro list outweighs the one con...

missing them.

So here I am feeling guilty once again.  But I realized the other day that when I was home full time I felt guilty.  Not only about not working, but I'd get to the end of the day and feel guilty because they watched too much TV....because I yelled at them....or they only ate goldfish for every meal....or I let someone get away with something....or punished someone too severely....or because I should have read to them more....or...or....or.... and on it went.

So I'm thinking that as Moms maybe we need to accept the fact that once you give birth, that cloak of guilt will just become part of your wardrobe.

Maybe I should learn to accessorize.  With grace.  And mercy.